End

We know clearly
when caregiving starts.
We know how it feels
as it begins.
But what about
when it ends?
What happens then?
Our family has been caring for Dad
in various ways for several years.
At first we “looked in on him”
at his home on the lake.
Later we provided more direct care—
bathing and dressing him,
monitoring his medications,
negotiating his wheelchair,
handling all his finances.
On July 4 we took him from the nursing home
for a picnic at his beloved lake.
What a lovely day!
Until he fell, that is, breaking his leg.
He had surgery the next day.
That night he suffered a heart attack.
Eight days later he died.

It’s been five weeks now.
Not only do I miss him,
but I miss the caregiving.
I miss the natural contact it provided.
I miss holding him as he shuffled along.
I miss shaving him as he sat quietly.
I miss conversing with him
as I clipped his nails.

Our caregiving always comes to an end.
Maybe we want that to happen—
the demands seem too much for us.
Maybe we don’t want it to end—
we’re happy as things are.
Maybe we’re of both minds.
But our caregiving will end,
somehow, sometime,
one way or another.
Whether we dread that,
or hope for it,
we dare not forget its truth.

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